Watching
by kuasimodo28
Summary: So she watches, yearning to belong, never realizing that she already does'. A bit of Rogue angst. Sequel 'Watching.Living.Being' is in progress. Please read and review!


A/N : I've always been a fan of Rogue and Remy and want them to be together. Yet, my first ever ROMY is angsty. Not what I wanted at all. But this is the way it's turned out. Meant to be a one-shot, but if I get enough feedback, I'll probably add on to it. So please Read and Review!Constructive criticism welcome, flames are not. Thanks!

Disclaimer: As much as I wish I owned Remy in every way possible, unfortunately he and the rest of Marvel don't belong to me. I own nothing, except the story.

**Watching**

She watched. It seemed as if all she did was watch. As parents touched their children. As friends shared hugs. As lovers kissed. And she knew, deep inside, that that would never happen for her. No matter how much she wanted it.

Sometimes she thought it would be better if she just died. Surely it would be better than living this way, never able to touch, never able to feel.

When Kitty and Piotr announced their engagement, she was there to comfort Kurt. Kurt loved Kitty, but Shadowcat had never seen it. Maybe she would have, eventually, but the moment Piotr entered their lives, Kitty had eyes for no one else. So Rogue stayed up nights, talking to her brother, telling him that it would be okay, comforting him but never touching him.

When Kurt left to Germany, to find his adopted family, her heart broke. But she understood that he couldn't stay, couldn't watch Kitty and Piotr day after day. She stood outside with the rest, as they bid farewell. She watched as he hugged everyone, Kitty the longest. When he came to her, he hesitated. Rogue didn't like to be touched, even when she was fully covered. But he trailed a finger down her cheek, letting her absorb a little of his thoughts and emotions, letting her feel his love and respect for her. "Mein schwiester," he'd whispered. And then he was gone.

She withdrew further into herself. And watched. Watched everyone be happy. Watched as Remy came home night after night, smelling of other women. She would be at the Rec Room, and he would pause at the door, hesitating. She would look at him, her heart in her eyes. She could never hide anything from him, least of all how she felt about him.

"Chere," he'd say, starting towards her. "Remy just…"

And she'd look away, biting her lip, willing herself not to cry. "Ya have nothing to apologize for, Remy. Ah ain't yours, and you sure as hell ain't mine."

"Remy is sorry, chere," he'd whisper.

"Ah know ya are, sugah. That's what sucks." And she'd brush past him on her way to her room, the only contact they would have.

On missions, she'd do her damnedest to kill herself. She wanted to die, but she wanted to do it in a blaze of glory. She wanted to be remembered as a hero, as someone other than Rogue, the Goth chick who couldn't touch. But her survival instinct kicked in every time. And she'd hate herself all the more.

Logan noticed. He was the only one, which was ironic. She lived with two of the most powerful telepaths in the world, and the only one to realize that she was spiralling was the Wolverine.

He took her camping and hunting, and taught her wilderness survival skills. She couldn't remember her father, or even if she had one, but the Wolverine was the closest thing to a father she had. When he disappeared, she spiralled again.

In her head Rogue didn't belong. She never realized that to Kitty, she was her best friend, the sister she never had. That to the professor, she was the daughter he never had. That to Logan, she was the reason he returned to the Institute time and time again. That to Kurt, she'd kept him from going insane, just by being there. To Remy, that she was the love of his life, even though he couldn't touch her, that she was the reason he stayed with the X-Men. That to the rest of the Institute, she was family, and nothing would change that.

So she watches, yearning to belong, never realizing that she already does.


End file.
